MBA 優秀statement of purpose范文評析

MBA 優秀statement of purpose范文評析

【Write a candid description of yourself, stressing those personal qualities, assets, and liabilities that you feel will influence your graduate work. Describe what you consider to be your most important professional and / or academic achievement to date.】

If one were to ask my friends to describe me they would describe me as a very pleasant, diverse, active and intelligent woman. I think one of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am a science student with a flair for the arts. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in management. I also have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a very broad outlook, with varying degrees of knowledge in a range of topics. I strongly believe that although some are not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduate work.

【點評：】開頭段落撰寫非常不錯。作者在開頭部分對后續段落的內容進行簡要概括，同時有助于吸引讀者注意力-----激發了讀者好奇心，并使得讀者想繼續閱讀下去。

My Engineering degree has given a strong foundation to my analytical skills since civil designing involves a lot of long, complex and intricate calculations and the application of basic math skills. Over the past four years, I have been working part-time with my family firm, SnMTech Systems. I am also the co-founder and active member with FOE - Friends of the Environment. I have assisted in the installation of Enterprise-wide Resource Planning (ERP) System at Blotech, a major Engineering Company. More than what I have studied in school and college, it has been these experiences that have shaped the person that I am today.

【點評：】這段中，作者按照diversity這個線索進行展開。論述中提到的一些方面比如很強的分析能力，數學技能以及工作經驗，這些點對攻讀MBA非常重要的。作者在這段中說到自己在獲得學位過程中，沒有浪費任何時間，而是不斷積累工作經驗。段落中談到的做自愿者的經歷對于申請MBA來說也是非常有優勢，因為大學院校都喜歡有社會責任心的學生。所以當你寫自己經歷的時候必須要真實----在侃侃而談之前，確保你有真實的例子支撐，比如自愿者工作或其他社會工作，這樣敘述將大大增加可信度。作者最后一句對整段做了總結。

I believe that this unique blend of experiences has made me a woman with an original point of view. This blend has given me a broader perspective to and a good understanding of life and a goal to aim for. Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University. My most substantial accomplishment has been the success of the software upgradation project that I managed at SnMTech Systems Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi, where I have been working as a part time Associate Intern - Management Information Systems since 1994.

【點評：】現在我們談談第三段。作者按照diversity這個線索來安排文章內容是不錯的。“Among other things, I have this diversity of experience to offer Utah University”這段作者暗示限于篇幅從這些經歷中獲得很多無形財富無法展開敘述。緊接著作者談 'most important achievement'略顯有點唐突。

During the first two years of my work at SnMTech, I had an opportunity to observe and work with the existing system being used. Some of the software packages being used were outdated versions. I have always been in touch with the latest software packages thanks to the powerful PC I have at home and am quite used to working with a Graphical User Interface (GUI) environment. At the office, there was great deal of chaos while preparing reports that involved use of more than one software since compatibility between packages usually posed a problem. The difficulty we faced putting different files together led to the final report appearing rather haphazard sometimes.

【點評：】第四段作者表面上是介紹作者自己處理一個難題，實際上說明兩點：
1.她一直在家族企業從事基礎工作，并且不斷需求工作上的改進；
2.她對常見的軟件很熟悉，同時計算機技能熟練。

I believe in providing and maintaining non-negotiable high standards and service. I recognized that shifting to a newer GUI based software would not only dramatically improve our documentation quality, but also increase productivity at the workplace. Presenting the pros and cons to the management of the upgradation was a very challenging task. I was asked to prepare a proposal regarding the upgradation of the firm's software. Initially, I imagined this project would be rather simple but it turned out to be among the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life.

【點評：】第五段第一句咋一看給人感覺作者有點高傲自大，但是當你閱讀完整段時候，就能看出作者真摯之心。

Through a firm-wide survey of operators and several one-on-one discussions of their own preferences and solutions, I found that while everybody wanted an upgradation, they had doubts since they would have to learn a whole set of new skills. In order to prepare a budget, I procured quotations from various vendors and analyzed possible combinations. I realized the necessity of a training course for the operators because most of them were not familiar with the GUI interface. I examined the various training classes that offered private in-house training for the employees. After a detailed analysis, I presented my report to the management in the next meeting. They were pleased with my efforts and pleasantly surprised at the cost of the project since it seemed to be comparatively less than what they had anticipated.

【點評：】第六段緊接著第五段敘述，整段內容系統，有組織，且經過深思熟慮。#p#分頁標題#e#

Once I was given the go-ahead, the next hurdle was to implement the proposal and coordinate the upgrading. To avoid any disturbance to the company's work, training sessions were planned after working hours. The upgrading took a week and the training of the operators took another two weeks. The really tough period started once the training personnel left. The management felt that it was my responsibility to see that the operators didn't face any problems once they actually started using the new software packages. I put in 60 to 70-hour weeks for the next three weeks before everyone was comfortable with the new system. While the benefits of using these packages were not immediately tangible, a few months later our clients acknowledged that the quality of the reports we sent them had improved considerably. In fact, a year later our firm decided to upgrade all of its software packages. I consider this to be a tacit compliment for my efforts.

【點評：】這段內容表明作者相當成熟，以及從這個項目中獲益匪淺。當針對某個問題只有一個解決方案時候，你可能解決不了這個問題。實施解決方案通常是最大的困難所在。作者也意識到公司變革很難立刻看到效果，必須經過一段時間再對結果進行評估。段落最后兩句說明這個項目對公司管理者思維方式有很大影響。

This project required me to believe in myself and in what I thought was good for the company. I had to take a pro-active approach, take the initiative and play a leadership role in motivating people and executing the project to completion A good manager is one who can figure out where the problem lies, deal with it effectively by involving all the members of the company and improve the overall culture of the company. The problem I saw at SnMTech had to be resolved to sustain the company's image. The fact that I was able to pull off this task alone has boosted my confidence in my abilities.

【點評：】最后一段作者評述了自己從這個項目中收貨。她已經成為該項目推動者，并取得了巨大成就。總體來說，結尾寫的非常不錯。如果作者在結尾處用一到二句談下自己從項目中學會合作等，就更好了。